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Monthly Archives: June 2013

Social Butterfly

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It’s been a few weeks since I’ve had time to write which I think strange since there are times when I have so little to do at night but lately, that has not been the case.  We celebrated Father’s Day by letting Wil pick the activities and the food and lucky for me, he has good taste.  A boat ride to the beach with a low country boil for dinner.  It was a beautiful day and I think that fits such a great Papa.

Not long after Father’s Day, we got ready for our FAMILY VACATION.  After packing up the kids, we headed to the mountains where I breathed deeply to take in as much mountain air as possible.  I joined my friend Sarah at the Chocolate Lounge in Asheville, went to the Biltmore Estate which seems to get better as I get older, checked out the Health Adventure (they still had the teeth! and no skin lady!), went to Splashville with Sawyer and Alyse (but my kids would not get near the water), and spent lots of QT with my in laws and my children.

Wil and I managed to get away for two (a WHOLE TWO) nights without children or obligations.  We went on a hike, had leisurely meals, saw Kathryn and Tyler’s new baby girl, and even made it to Father Steve’s church in Cashiers.  At one point, after our hike, as we sat to have a cold drink and some grub, we thought we might melt into our chairs with relaxation.

As we drove back into Pawleys and started the week, I was happy to have my schedule fill up effortlessly with play-dates and friends.  We dined and beached it with the Fishburnes (love them), took up carpet and moved furniture for the last bit of our new floors to be put down (thank you Don and Pepaw), went to a birthday party, planned funerals (well, Wil did that part) and I had to say goodbye to a friend who is moving………then, it crept in like a Palmetto Bug under a door jam…….social anxiety.  I get it from time to time.  It affects me from start to finish and I wish it away and pray it away and it does eventually leave but while it is here, it is all consuming.  My standards are high even if I do consider myself low maintenance and semi laid back..  So after a nice day of sun and laughter, I end with lots of doubt.  It strikes me how thankful I am for each thing listed above, that I was able to experience them but how this one thing dominates my thoughts.

I concentrate on Lilly and Willow instead.  Willow turns heads at the pool because of how adorable she is.  Her babbling has reached paragraph lengths and she likes to test boundaries but stays close to my legs as the battle of my personal space wages on.  Lilly grows like a weed and will amaze me with her knowledge.  As much as she loves Willow, she gets jealous easily and I’ve found her doing some baby talking and acting out but also wanting to be a big girl at the same time.  Her and I were going gift shopping and a song came on the radio that we both love.  I looked in the rear view mirror and saw her head laid back on her car-seat as she “sang” the words (as she understands them) and it made me silly happy.  I love them and they love me and when I open the front door and they run to me with light in their eyes saying my name, nothing else matters.

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Walking on New Ground

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I sit.  It seems like it has been awhile since I just sat and thought about what has been going on the past week or so.  Wil and I celebrated our 9 year wedding anniversary on May 29th.  We were able to go eat a meal with the above view to enjoy while we sipped wine and talked about what was and what will be.  Things are looking pretty good for the future.  Wil will say, “Lilly, Papa loves momma” as he gives me a big hug and that’s a reminder that no one could get tired of.

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Then, the girls and I stayed at the Forshaw’s home (a couple from our church family) while our carpet was ripped up so our new flooring could be put down.  We visited the beach, went on golf cart rides around Debordieu, talked and played with Loren Forshaw and tried to stay out of the way of Pepaw and his friend Don as they worked their magic on our home.  So much to be thankful for but I was having a really hard time seeing it all because Willow was VERY sick the whole time.  Sleepless nights, lots of crying and having to hold her while performing mom tasks made the life drain right out of me.  Lilly began to be needy because of all the attention Willow was getting and I missed out on anything and everything social for over a week.

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As my mood took a turn for the worst and I struggled with isolation, a book my Women’s Group is reading kept popping into my brain.  I had no energy to actually read it but the chapter I had finished the week before was about being truly thankful even when you don’t really want to be.  The author references the moments where Jesus thanked God even though times were and were going to be the ultimate of toughness.  The fact I had read that chapter and tried to absorb its words made a huge difference those grey rainy days.  Talking to my mom on the phone also helped and getting the random text from new and old friends wondering how we were doing and wishing us happier days lightened the frustration.

When Saturday rolled around, we were all finally feeling mostly better and the floors were close to done so we moved back in and went to what I will describe as the janky zoo.  It was good to be feeling like ourselves.

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Looking back on that week and how I went to some places in my head that weren’t all that great, I am able to see the things that truly helped.  One night I stopped and talked with a friend while Wil kept the girls.  One day I sent Lilly to summer school to play with friends.  One afternoon I ran around the neighborhood and sweated out all the bad stuff.  Each day I thanked God.   Even if it was for something silly like not losing it when I had to hear Raffi for the 50th time or being thankful for the pile of chocolate coated pomegranate seeds at Loren’s home, I found something.  That made the biggest difference of them all….