First morning of the school year where I sit in total silence, except for the leaf blower and washing machine noises. Both of our children at school, meeting friends, getting germs. I have so many things I can do and want to do with my time but this morning, this will be the one I give myself 100% permission to sulk around and wander aimlessly. Let’s back up….
Last week, Lilly started Kindergarten. First day came around and the whole family piled into the car to see her go into her new, big school. I asked her if she wanted to be dropped off at the door or walked in by me or Wil. Without hesitation she stated that she would walk in on her own. Not wanting to sound needy, I said, “Okay. You sure?” and she stayed true to her first impulse. And she did. And I cried. Wil took a picture of me crying because we didn’t get the “standing by her classroom door” shot. I did not post that picture because I am an ugly crier.
The rest of the week went on like that: she was excited to go and happy when she got home. She was also super duper tired. On Friday, we managed to go to a back to school party that was lots of fun but she kinda fell apart a few times out of exhaustion. This morning however, the honeymoon was over. Lilly dragged getting ready for school and complained about our new carpool set up. Still happy to actually be going to school but just a bit on the needy side, a side I hadn’t yet seen with kindergarten Lilly. This made the fact that Willow started her mornings of preschool today a little bit tougher.
With her new blue, light up shoes on, we strolled on over to St. Peter’s and headed in the door. Parents and kids were everywhere crying or smiling. It was the usual beginning of school chaos. Willow did not want me to leave her and I kinda had to sneak out which I hate to do but seemed necessary. No tears were shed by Willow but I went out the door with a little hole in my heart. As much as I truly believe Willow needs and wants to be at school and as much as I love having a few hours each morning to do errands or workout, part of me just wants her to be with me all the time. Totally unhealthy I’m sure but true none-the-less.
So, here I am, blogging it up, waiting for Wil to go on a bike ride with me so I didn’t have to be totally alone the first morning. My thoughts go to the family friend that posted a picture much like the one above with the caption: “First day of college classes for this girl!” and it becomes all too real how quickly this time will pass.