We had some firsts today, and hopefully some lasts. Early in the morning, I took Willow to the pediatrician because a cough she has had for over a week turned deep. I’m glad I took her in because she needed to receive breathing treatments so that the symptoms didn’t become worse. She doesn’t like them. It is strange that she cries while she gets them but is so peaceful about it in her body language, laying her head against my chest and relaxing her arms and legs. The treatments help and I think she knows it but still wants to put up a fight because no one likes being sick. Willow with her subtle little laugh and her upside down paci……..
After the pediatrician, we rushed home to grab Lilly and Wil for our dentist appointments. It was Lilly’s first time so they didn’t do a whole lot of cleaning but more explaining what the tools are and letting her get comfortable. She ended up in my lap but she did a good job saying “Ah” and having them polished. Willow also found a spot on my lap during the process so it was a family affair. The hygienists took pictures so we must have been quite the show that day.
When we got home, everyone rested (except Wil who went to yet another appointment and is feeling much better these days) rested and then we had a big night of watching Charlotte’s Web. Lilly and I just finished reading the book which has made me choke up multiple times. Lilly loved hearing the story of Wilbur and Charlotte and we would discuss what had happened and try to guess what was going to happen based on the next chapter title. When Charlotte died, I totally cried! Lilly just said, “Oh no” and gave me her best worried face. I also happy cried realizing that Lilly can picture the story now and doesn’t need the pictures. Learning words like “humble” and “salutations” along the way. I am looking forward to our next chapter book whatever it might be.
We were all just sitting on the couch like one big happy family when the movie ended and it all turned sour. Lilly decided to wage a war against us and be as stubborn about bedtime as she possibly could be. In my head, I was recalling all the tips and tricks I so badly want to implement and be successful at. One that came to mind was from “a parenting manifesto of joy” that I received at my book club last night and it states: Today, the moment when I am most repelled by a child’s behavior, that is a sign to draw the very closest to that child.
I gave it all I had. I loved her, I killed her with kindness, I even force hugged her as I tried to get to the bottom of the tantrum and NOTHING was working. She was not going to go get in that bed no matter how many privileges we took away and no matter how angry we could make our eyebrows become. Finally…..finally after I ended up giving myself a time out to take a deep breath, she trudged to her bed with tear stains and a defeated demeanor. It broke. my. heart. This is of course not the first time something like this has taken place and we all know it won’t be the last.
As a parent, it is difficult when I feel inadequate. I doubt myself and when I doubt it is like my children can smell it in the air. I can’t help but think about all the women in my life with grown children who repeat the mantra of enjoying every moment with my little ones. I know Lilly and Willow are going to grow up and become happy women with their own families. Holding onto that thought keeps me in check and allows me to try all the techniques I read about on mommy blogs and in self help books. It also allows me to rely on myself and know that many, many women before me have fought this same battle and conquered it with happy hearts and joyful children. So I listen to myself, I talk to God and I talk to my husband. Tomorrow she will be older, she will be smarter and she will thankfully still be mine to love.
“Today I will laugh! And I will let the little children laugh! I will create a culture of Joy!”
Keith Chronicles 